François-René Rideau (fare) wrote,
François-René Rideau

  • Music:

Get a life!

Sometimes, I think I have got a life. And you don't hear much from me. But to make a woman happy takes more than I currently know how to give. She can feel it, though she can't (or won't) tell exactly why (to me, probably to herself neither). Then I can feel she can feel it, yet I don't know what to do. And finally we part.

Thing is, I love or hate myself about that, but part of my failing is that I don't dare love or hate her enough to react properly.

Maybe we "were not meant for each other". More likely, I've got a lot of improvement to undertake. Indeed, if I were better, I would be the one who would take the initiative in parting, and not the other way round, when those things were to happen. So I should learn to establish and cultivate emotionally strong relationships; I should learn how to precede her desires. I should care less about my immediate fancies, and plan more for my future successes.

As say the fortune cookie, "You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today." Except I'm a slow learner as far as experience goes; I've always been much better at learning formal rules. That's my geeky nature. I'll work double to compensate for it.

See how I am always talking but about me, not about her? I feel more shy about her than about myself. And I feel more like talking about myself than doing something about it. Yet more things that will have to change.

Apart from that, my car has mechanical problems, I've lost my best hat in the train, it is a holiday and most everything is closed, the food shop that's open rejects my credit cards, the highway is restricted to one lane because of road maintenance and a truck is stopped right in the middle of it, some people break a window at my uncle's, I've missed dinner, I can't unlock that mobile phone I got to replace the stolen one, and I waste time on the net, depressed, etc. Tomorrow will definitely be a better day.

Tags: en, love, mea culpa, memories, self-help
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