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Apr. 22nd, 2014


thefowle

(no subject)

tired tired tired bloviation amid the late night crew. not necessarily wrong, but i'm not sure they start from.

thefowle

(no subject)

talked the ear off the whole bar. might've had a chance perhaps where i wanted. moved in at last chance, had semi-not-super timing, got called on it, ran away, didn't ask killer for her number. crawl back into that hole, son.

Apr. 21st, 2014


l33tminion

PyCon Talks and Two Weeks' Travels

The weekend before last, I was out of town at PyCon. It was fun representing Google at the career fair, and I enjoyed the talks I attended. I was able to work from the Montreal office that Monday before heading home. I see why people are so happy at that office, it's a neat little space with a small engineering team. Plus Montreal seemed like a pretty interesting and friendly city.

Some talks of note:A larger set of talks and tutorials is up here.

This weekend was marathon weekend, yet another weekend when all the things happen at once. Bergamot serves an amazing Easter brunch.

Getting ready for wedding season. DJ and Michelle are getting married in two weeks, my cousin Ben's wedding is two weeks after that.

The situation in Ukraine continues to be messed up.

thefowle

(no subject)

this morning was nuts, falling into and out of sleep. i wasn't willing to rise, but damned if i didn't keep clipping my ass into and out of that other magnificent wild discombobulated realm, and for sure my psyche was raging high storms going in and out. so sad that those realms fade like this. i need to audio-record the shit or something.

i took a photo of the golden dawn as it arrived across the street. something blaring, external, the one truly great golden conflagration beginning in this tiny quadrant- this quarter of mind I keep, this picoparsec of spacetime.

thefowle

(no subject)

early to say, but i think i got placed on a great team with great people. undoubtedly that means hard work too, keeping up, but this process of normalization has never really gone on for me in any real way, and i think these people might have a normal way of doing it. i still think i'll find myself back on the fringe, find myself out there, and even today a number of times i wanted to go back and cloak the fact that i so readily play the traveller. but perhaps some mundane glories will rub off; this is a glory too, these people, and i'm delighted to feel so well met. my life deadlines still loom at the end, and still it breaks my heart knowing what limited a set of dimensions i have to crap my soul into, but for now, this seems like a fairly serious win, and in that i can be happy.

tropigalia

the reeling

i had another dream last night where i forgot bob was dead, but this time there was a connection with calvin in it, as if i realized that bob had to be dead in order for calvin to be alive. i wish i remembered more of it.

tropigalia

the sixteen forced joys

i love the dice roll probability episode of community and i think about it often. sometimes i wonder if i am trying to get an extra throw in when i've already rolled a 5. my life has been set in motion on the course that throwing a 5 gets you, so how can i roll again? i can't get the life that having rolled a 6 in the first place would have given me.

i can't seem to drill it into my head that i'm the only person who's passionate about where my life goes. i daydream and imagine that maybe if i continually make transatlantic moves that at some point a romantic gesture will happen and my whole life will be made completely clear to me. i know i'm not actually that stupid. my life is bigger than anything so small. i pray that it is.



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i call what i want a "whim" but hasn't it been a lifetime in the making?

this window is a one way mirror

cema

Boston marathon

Устроил себе сейчас обеденный перерыв, сходил на Boylston St возле Prudential Center, там как раз финиширует бостонский марафон, возле библиотеки. Толпы народа, одни кричат ура, другие бегут. В торговом центре внизу Prudential'а ходят потные худосочные люди с горящими глазами, некоторые завернуты в тонкие одеяла. Погода отличная.

Приятно.

Apr. 20th, 2014


thefowle

(no subject)

i'm really apprehensive in general about work. i haven't figured out how to push towards management, where code is only some of what my day to day role is. every team i've ever been on, i've held some kind of mentor/leader role for the team, and i'd like to be able to invest more broadly in making sure we're going in for the right stuff, and coming out with the right stuff, but my day job, the only thing anyone ever really respects, isn't my designs, isn't my viewpoint, isn't the technical work that to me far outstrips the code, everyone just wants me to write code, day in, day out, write code. here's one project. work on it.

more than anything i don't want to be a one project guy. i want to be connected beyond more than some small end of the line cell. i want to scale myself to work across a range of problems, i want to have multiple areas of interaction and to manage myself among the different realms. when i block in one zone, externally or internally as my mind goes hunting for the whiff of final right Realization, i want to be elsewhere. i hate being in stupid sprints, a phalanx of coders tasked only with getting from A to B; it's the furthest darkest depth, the worst hole, one that there is no escape from if that's the employment you've fallen into.

thefowle

(no subject)

this morning i dreamed that it was my first day of work. then i realized it was only sunday and that i had one more day before the job starts. then i woke up, and it was sunday, and i had one more day before the job started.

thefowle

(no subject)

today:
* one abominable club anthem track on repeat for 1 hr
* made stupid joke about it
* mostly cleaned up, did dishes
* still left a bunch of empty bags and used aluminium scattered about
* trash open
* boisterous about sportsing going on on tv
* more really awful nicknames for me, followed by a "just kidding" except i should keep expecting it

none of it takes more than the most trivial energies to get around; i don't feel inconvenienced or hassled by these actions. the offense is victimless, but still, being low class is a crime; it's a crime against oneself, the potentials one should shoot for.

tropigalia

(no subject)

pretty sure i have one of them there dang ol' "toxic work environments"

boss can't be friend
person who makes your job harder can't be friend

i just need to learn to keep my fucking mouth shut. i know what my end game is.

Apr. 19th, 2014


thefowle

(no subject)

I have to have moved in with one of the most boring, average mother fuckers on the god damned planet. I realize I'm not projecting as interesting myself, but god damn.

Homefry's visits the parents on the weekend, comes home with a bunch of cooked food- pig out like whoa on that or eat out
Homefry still takes up the entire top shelf of the fridge even with so little in it
Homefry listens to the same six "get pumped" songs again and again, two or three hip-hop, three or four horrible horrible godforsaken club anthems
Homefry leaves tooth paste splatter and run-over all over the place
Homefry will seriously veg the fuck out/comatose on sports
Homefry never ever helps clean up the joint
Homefry will let the kitchen be clean for about 24 hours before he starts letting shit junk up
Homefry only cleans his huge pile of dishes when he has someone come over
Homefry is just-a-little-too continuously boisterous; "What's up player!" to everyone
Homefry can't seem to get his waste to the trash can- empty grocerings, bottles sit four feet from the bin
Homefry leaves the bin open (his one use of: finding spoiled food to chuck), then complains that something smells
Homefry makes overtures about needing money for utilities but hasn't responded to calls to post what is owed

Mostly harmless, young, sheltered, no concept of responsibility for shared space, with a little bit of a loud mouth that shows a unsatisfied need deeply marking the character.

What a boring average human.

Apr. 18th, 2014


xach

The week in CL

Babel2 — "Babel2 connects the implementations of our core technologies such as Fluid Construction Grammar (FCG) and Incremental Recruitment Language (IRL) with mechanisms for multi-agent interactions, robotic embodiment, cognitive processing and learning. An extensive monitoring system gives access to every detail of Babel2’s intermediate representations and dynamics and a high modularity ensures that the system can be used in a very wide variety of scenarios." I haven't tried it, but it sounds interesting.

cl-http2-protocol — "This is HTTP/2.0 draft-06 interopability test code written in Common Lisp. … The code offers a pure Common Lisp transport agnostic implementation of the HTTP 2.0 protocol at draft-06." This is not related to Mallery's CL-HTTP, but is based on a Ruby library, ported and updated by Akamai engineer Martin Flack.

emacs-cl — "Emacs Common Lisp is an implementation of Common Lisp, written in Emacs Lisp." A fun hack by Lars Brinkhoff.

{} descriptions — "… a meta level descriptions library for Common Lisp," inspired by Smalltalk Magritte and Lisp On Lines."

Multi-year SBCL uptime. 1000+ days, pretty cool.

Work-in-progress ASDF 3.1 has a feature that creates objects called package-systems. The name stems from its melding of the CL package system with ASDF system definition objects. As a name "package-system" seems to me to be ripe for confusion, since it's not the package system of CL, or a package system in the fetch-me-useful-software sense. Can you suggest a better name? Chime in. Before release is the proper time for a rename.
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Apr. 17th, 2014


thefowle

(no subject)

Calling out a design intent- *split-driver model,* front-side/back-side programmatic interface breakdown into *Service Provider Interfaces* and *Application Programming Interfaces* here, in the sure-to-be-smashing-success, hot-off-the-presses emerging PubSub for Java standard, #ReactiveStreams,
https://github.com/reactive-streams/reactive-streams/tree/master/spi/src/main/java/org/reactivestreams

The main other shared-context (front- & back- oriented interfaces) I'd go to point out here is Xen, where a "device driver"- the microcode for any kind of encapsulable resource really- breaks down this "one thing telling another" (application telling to a service) over some line (thus, online) and here the application line is the jvm. in xen, a vm is telling a resource what to do, and that resource is in turn a application telling the kernel service what to do. reactivestreams : api telling spi :: xen : front-side aka vm aka dom u telling back-side aka xenbus instance of dom u telling host aka kernel aka dom 0.

service provider interface presence normalizes to a series of functional target interfaces, each available to be invoked. RPC is directed action, a coding of the act.

thefowle

(no subject)

BubbleUPNP took advantage of the Xposed framework, which componentizes and makes re-orientation OS aspects
http://www.reddit.com/r/Android/comments/1x7qko/app_bubbleupnp_adds_audio_cast_with_the_ability/

they intercepted and mocked the front end of a Sound Device API.

capabilities were added by a program live patching the OS.
this is notable because it is the first
this is the first case i've heard of anyone of live patching additional supra-OS capabilities into ubicomp device.

thefowle

(no subject)

Front-side/back-side programmatic interface breakdown into *Service Provider Interfaces* and *Application Programming Interfaces* in the hot off the sure-to-be-smashing-success, hot-off-the-presses PubSub for Java standard, #ReactiveStreams.
https://github.com/reactive-streams/reactive-streams/tree/master/spi/src/main/java/org/reactivestreams

The main other shared-context I'd go to point out here is Xen, where a "device driver"- the microcode for any kind of encapsulable resource really- breaks down this "one thing telling another" (application telling to a service) over some line (thus, online) and here the application line is the jvm. in xen, a vm is telling a resource what to do, and that resource is in turn a application telling the kernel service what to do. reactivestreams : api telling spi :: xen : front-side (vm) telling back-side telling (host) kernel.

thefowle

(no subject)

I've had a electric kettle in my car for half a decade now (along with requisite beefy inverter, big batts). I feel like wherever I go, I bring society with me. I used to have a GPS logger in car that I used to bookmark every time I made a cup of tea, but that faded from use years back.

Apr. 16th, 2014


tropigalia

(no subject)

please put your backs into MANIFESTING MY GOOD NEWS
ok?
all the finger crossing, wishing, hoping
join me in it, pretty please

tropigalia

(no subject)

why do i feel so panicky about being at home? i feel sort of sad and disconnected. and worried. it's still so fucking cold here.

i told myself i wouldn't but i started watching GIRLS, and of course i identify with the whole bland mayonnaisey affair. the character of adam is almost exactly like karl, the flakiness, the devotion to his art, his sudden attempt at being a normal dude with a normal girlfriend, his anger, his cold ambivalence towards hannah, the way he talks, his sense of humor. marnie's delusions about being a singer and her insistence on being the center of attention are also like me. hannah's selfishness and hypochondria and how big a fucking baby she is are also me. i loathe how deeply it resonates. it's like holding up a big loaf of white bread and seeing your reflection it.

BUT THE DEVICE THEY USED TO INCORPORATE NON-WHITE PEOPLE IS THEY HAD JESSA EAT OUT A BLACK WOMAN AT REHAB AND THEN SAY SHE DID IT OUT OF PITY

eughhhhh

at the beginning of jodorowsky's dune, jodorowsky says that the goal of life is to create a soul. this resonated with me deeply, and it made me realize how little it matters that i'm the only person who cares about the music i make. i thought the goal of life was to eat a pound of see's chocolates in one sitting.

I gotta request all of my grandma's certificates and my mom's as well so I can make an appointment at the Donegal Center

Apr. 13th, 2014


thefowle

(no subject)

feels a bit like the world is receeding. i had some feel on the pulse of the planet, on the surging ways things were driven on, along, forward, felt fed by it all. overfed once and again. the din has faded. the din was only in my head? it couldn't have been any different. the world is constant, fixed in it's flow; it's me, i've lost rooting to see the flow.

Apr. 12th, 2014


tropigalia

(no subject)

ugh i got violently ill from dinner and had to go to bed early and now i'm up at 4:30 AM. calvin will probably be up soon, asking for oats. i think i eat so infrequently now that any time i eat more than one meal a day i get nauseous. i wonder if my stomach has no elasticity now or something. i don't know how to science.

my trip so far has been really wonderful, and surprisingly cathartic. naomi is definitely a different person than she used to be, and a lot of the layers of callousness have peeled off to reveal a surprisingly sensitive person, as well as an insanely generous and even affectionate one. i think i was most surprised when we were just standing at the counter of the hardware store picking keys and she came over to just give me a little hug for no reason. there's been a lot of processing going on, so much so that i had a dream where this bulbous feminine shadow of pain manifested in front of my dad and i stabbed it in the heart with scissors. naomi told me she got so annoyed that i would say that i don't really know her, but she realized that since she left at 18 she felt like she knew who i was, and since i was 9 my memories weren't really fully-formed. and i'm obviously not the same person as i was when i was 9. well. sort of. my mom might disagree. it was good to get the news that i was offered a place at university of sheffield because i might be the first in my family to go to grad school (can i call a PGDip grad school? hrm).

i'm really proud of my family. i'm proud of my mom, who is the strongest person i have ever known. a lot of people say that about their moms, but i doubt most people could survive even half the pain my mom has had to experience. i'm proud of all three of my sisters, who are so smart, hard-working, creative, and funny.

i've gotten to see a lot of people that i haven't seen in years. the first night i got here i saw channing, who for a long time was james' best friend. after james and i broke up he called me a couple times to make fun of me and make sure i was ok. i'm lucky james alienated all his cool friends so that i can hang out with them and not feel weird about it. i finally met channing's awesome wife, emily, too. i used to spend so much time on google reader commenting on shit they shared and feeling like an INTERLOPER. what a funny place to be social. i miss google reader. channing has been a pal to me, though, and every so often tells me to apply for opportunities, like that silly BBC america vlogger thing that i didn't get, but did prompt english people on youtube to tell me i'm annoying and stupid!

today my friend nemo came down from sebastopol to hang out. i hadn't seen him in 3 or 4 years! we met on okcupid and i would say what we had was maybe not romantic, but sort of fanciful. i think at the time i felt a very spiritual or intellectual connection with him because he is a very positive influence on me. the first time we met we took a hike on swarthmore's campus and talked about language for a very long time. he's also the only person i know who will dance no matter where he is and who's around. he used to talk in a very whimsical, unorthodox way and maybe his life in new york has reduced some of that. he has an enthusiasm about him that is very compelling. he is also thinking of doing a speech pathology grad program, and he actually majored in linguistics at one of the best schools in the country.

i've been having trouble being social on this trip, even though for the first time in years i have AN ABUNDANCE OF FRIENDS. i guess i forgot how difficult that was. i don't eat all day to avoid IBS symptoms and then i get very woozy and can't focus on anything. i try to eat and then i have IBS problems and have to visit 3000 bathrooms and can't focus on anything. i love that i get to see friends but i think i need to do some exploring on my own because i can't keep risking my well-being to accommodate other people. i need to do things in my own time.

i cannot fucking believe heartbleed. i don't remember any of my new passwords. i have been locking myself out of accounts, which is maybe kind of good. i know i seem like the last person who would ever disconnect from social media, but facebook and tumblr have gotten severely uninteresting lately. i tend to keep things around in the off chance that some day people might pay attention to my music, but people just want to reblog old memes and obnoxious vines. if i don't attach some repetitive screed about loving my body to shit i write it gets ignored, and i would like to write about other things. no one is interested in anything that doesn't validate them. i get it, but i want to move past it, at least sometimes. i am lucky that i'm in a position where i have already been exposed to so much body positivity, and i know there are still a lot of people who could really be helped by that rhetoric and have never seen anything like it. even if i really want to write about something that happened to me related to my body and i genuinely want people to feel better about themselves, i feel somewhat disingenuous because it just sounds like pandering. step 1: it's ok to have a fat body. step 2: it's ok to have a fat body and then be more than your fat body. what about your fat brain? honestly, half the time i just feel like shit anyway because no matter how much "love ur body~~" i see, the subtext is still, "as long as you're an hourglass and have a big butt and big boobs". i think i'm back to thinking that the only thing that will save me is being funny and singing, because i'm really fucking weird-looking.

i am tired of how fucking gullible people on tumblr are. i want people to think really critically about how language actually works, and to be interested in it. i want people to think critically in general.

calvin keeps watching veggie tales and i wonder if naomi would be ok with that. i had joked about teaching him about jesus while she's away but he's a smart dude and knows how to use the appleTV already (though his netflix searches are "abbbb" and "gkjfffff"). he navigates by characters and keeps watching the story of esther. that's a good ol' testament story, though, with a virtuous female protagonist, so why the heck not. besides the fact that she's a fucking armless zucchini or something and it's terrifying. it doesn't seem to bother him, though.

i'm not really homesick. i had some panic issues when i first got here because it looks like nowhere i've ever seen. so much of this city looks like snapshots in time of the 1920s or 1950s. i don't really like palm trees and laid-back attitudes, and the white kids with dreadlocks are the worst, most entitled, most aggressive people ever, actually. i don't think i'd ever want to live here but naomi said she's glad we have sets of keys now so that we can feel like we can come back and visit whenever we live.

i'm trying to save the actual "things i did" for ~my real blog~ so that at least 2 out of my 10 aunts will read it, right

Apr. 9th, 2014


thefowle

ordered some basics

polar h7 bluetooth 4.0 heart rate monitor
atmel ATSAMA5D3-XPLD sama5d3 explained/exploded board
freescale FRDM-FXS-MULTI sensor board (non-fancy pantsed bluetooth version)
some new solder/flux
starboards for some of these leds that have been idling around

thefowle

(no subject)

global IoT mixer event
dc bike party
DC9 show

excited enough. incoming tiredness follows.

tropigalia

(no subject)

"We are pleased to inform you that you have been made an offer of a place on the PG DIP, Postgraduate Diploma, Speech Difficulties, Full Time, 2014 at the University of Sheffield."

oh. i'm waiting for some other news.

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